I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was nearly impossible.

A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman ... then ... pow! ... it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "Awww, my wife found out."

Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful.

Bitter women say the cutest things.

Men are like coolers - Load them up with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like plungers - They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or in the bathroom.

Men are like chocolate bars - sweet, smooth, and they usually head straight for your hips.

Men are like coffee - The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you going all night long.

Men are like computers - Hard to figure out and never enough memory.

Men are like horoscopes - They always tell you what to do and usually they are wrong.

Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they are all pigs.